The Art of Giving- A Logical Guide
I don’t mean to be sexist but, most guys are totally rubbish when it comes to buying gifts for their partner. Of course there are exceptions, like my husband, but those aren’t the type of guys I see every year on Christmas Eve with panic-stricken faces clutching cheap lacy thongs in one hand and a bottle of Eau-de-stinqué in the other.
Guys, don’t be this guy- instead discover how easy this stuff can be and how you can bask the glory of successful gift giving as you her melt her heart with your thoughtfulness.
As a woman with a scientific background who has spent the vast majority of her schooling and career surrounded by men, I am in the unique position to let you in on the key principles I have extracted from this complex and fuzzy domain. Armed with these simple, logical instructions you will be the undisputed king of successful gift-giving.
This article will grow as I add more chapters which describe the nuances and provide suggestions for the major gift occasions in your calendar. This intro illustrates the fundamental concepts that can be applied to any gift-giving situation where the recipient is a woman. Later I will add chapters on specific occasions like Christmas, Birthdays, Anniversaries and much more.
But first, let’s take a look at the actual meaning of that well-known phrase “It’s the thought that counts”.
It’s the thought that counts. Yeah sure you’ve heard it before; maybe you yourself uttered those words apologetically one time, suddenly convinced that your gift would be rejected. But what does it actually mean and what exactly separates the thoughtful present from the thought-less?
It does not mean that any old rubbish earns you points simply for remembering the occasion. This is like avoiding an “F” grade for not handing in an assignment by submitting a sheet of paper with only your name on it and receiving a “D”. Great, but guess what? You just failed.
Discover a better way: a very little homework will suffice and you’ll consistently score B’s and A’s!
Your aim is to earn as many points on the Thoughtfulness Score as possible by making her feel special, cared for, unique by making the gift relevant to some aspect of her life or personality.
Here are some examples gifts with your thoughtful commentary and her possible interpretation:
Gift: Soft leather gloves
You say: “I got you these gloves for driving because I know how cold your hands get in winter”
She thinks: He cares about my well-being, he notices that I often have cold hands.
Ways you can still blow it: If your wife is a vegan then a gift made of the soft hide ripped off the back of a baby cow is going to earn you nothing!
Gift: Small format books that are small enough to fit in her handbag.
You say: “I got you these smaller format books to stop you getting bored on your commute”
She thinks: He thinks about me.
Ways you cans till blow it: If your wife is into romance novels and you buy her a set of gory crime novels.
Or you say: “I got you this red Ferrari because it matches your favourite shade of lipstick!”
OK so it has a different price tag but, believe it or not, to many women (excepting those hung up on material goods) this example will get you about the same amount of points for thoughtfulness as the previous ones! Why? Because it proves that you have noticed some details about her, that you have been thinking about her and her well-being and this makes her feel special.
In the next section we’ll look at ways to increase your thoughtfulness score.
Maybe you’ve been married for decades or maybe it’s a brand new relationship, either way, how well do you know your wife/girlfriend? Do you remember that 80’s film “Green Card” where Gerard Depardieu and Andy McDowell have to answer a barrage of questions about each others preferences- just how well would you perform?
Like, on a scale of 1 to 5 how much does she like chocolate? Is it white/milk/plain? Tea or coffee person? Cats or dogs? What would she do if she won the lottery? What’s her favourite colour? Who’s her favourite writer/actors? Favourite films/TV shows? Pizza/Chinese/Indian/French? Pet-hates? What characteristics does she admire in others? Favourite season and why? Favourite childhood memory? Who is her style icon? Favourite flowers? Or maybe she prefers pot plants or seeds? Top 5 destinations in the world?
If you have the answers to question like these then you’re set for a score card of straight A’s. If you don’t then get asking and taking mental notes- and here’s a free bonus: just asking questions like these boosts your thoughtfulness score! Plus it strengthens your relationship and gets you ready for Mr and Mrs should they ever choose to broadcast that stellar 70’s show again 
If you’re reading this then chances are you have access to the Internet and have at least a basic understanding of Google. Google have a bunch of tools and one that is very useful is the Calendar. If you’re the kind of guy who wanders though life blithely unaware of birthdays, anniversaries but somehow has all major sporting events for the next 12 months memorised then you need to follow these instructions:
- Contact your loved ones by phone, email or whatever and ask them when their birthday is. If they’re married get their anniversary date. Get the birthdays of their children and anything else relevant that they make a point of celebrating every year. Do the most important ones first.
- Collate all this info in a Google Calendar. Each time you add a date, set it to repeat annually and also set a reminder. You can have reminders sent to you by email or SMS on the day and a week before the event (or however long you think you need to sort it out). Note there’s an alternative service called Plaxo that lets you mail a bunch of people and have them fill in their details for you, you can also set up email reminders.
So you’re confident (based on your interviewing above) that you have a winner, and you even have a small back-up gift just in case. However, that paper you bought shredded like toilet paper and the tape kept sticking to your fingers…now it looks less than inspiring, do women notice stuff like that?
Actually, it depends.
Some women love the sloppy look because it proves that her fella took the time to wrap it himself, thereby actually earning you more thoughtfulness points.
Others however might give you a “look what the cat’s dragged in” derisory glare, especially if the gift is presented in front of other people at some posh event. So basically you have to figure this one out for yourself, and who knows maybe you’re famous for your neat and precise gift-wrapping but I can tell you that the easiest method is the gift bag with tissue paper option. They usually even come with a tag on the bag which can be helpful in case you don’t have a separate greetings card.
No matter how much you want to spend or in which shop, it pays to do a bit of research with your wife/girlfriend beforehand to maximise your Thoughtfulness Score and the likelihood that she will be delighted, feeling loved and special. No more going to pieces at the last-minute and/or thought-less gifts, you’re the considerate husband she’s always dreamed of and you’re going from strength to strength.
Coming Soon Part II: Christmas.
